Charley the Vampire aka you don't want me in your fandom.

[lolitops]

Heeeeeey Charleeeeey, hey Charleeeeey, wake up!

Yeah, Charley, you silly sleepy head, wake uuuup.

Ughh, oh God, you guys. this had bettter be pretty friggin' important. Is Chicago on fire?

Noooo Charley! We found a map to Candy Mountaiiinnn, Candy Mountain, Charley!

Yeah, Charley, we’re going to Candy Mountaiiinnn. Come with us, Charley.

Yeah Charley! It will be an adventureee, we’re going on an adventure Charleeeeey!!

Yeah, Candy Mountain, right... I'm just gonna, you know, go back to sleep now.

Nooooo, Charley, you have to come with us to Candy Mountain.

Yeah Charley, Candy Mountain! It's a land of sweets and joy and joyness...!

...please stop bouncing on me...

CANDY MOUNTAIN Charleeeeeey!

Yeah!! Candy Mountain!!

Charley: All right, fine! I'll go with you to Candy Mountain!

La la la la, la la la!

Enough with the singing already!

Our first stop is over there, Charley!

Oh God, what is that.

It's an officer of the law, Charley.

A magical officer of the law!

It's gonna guide our way to Candy Mountain.

All right, guys, you do know there's no actual Candy Mountain, right?

Shun the non-believer!

Shuuuuuun.

Shunnn...nah.

...Yeeeeah.

It has spoken!

It has told us the wayyyy!!

It didn't say anything!

It's just over this bridge, Charley!

This magical bridge of hope and wonder!

Is anyone else getting, like, covered in splinters? Seriously guys, we shouldn't be on this thing.

Charleeeeeey. Charleeeeeey. Charleeeeey. Char--

I'm right here, whaddya want?

We're on a bridge, Charley!

***

We're heeere!

Well. Whaddya know, there actually is a Candy Mountain.

Candy Mountain, Candy Mountain, you fill me with sweet sugary goodness!

Go inside the Candy Mountain candy cave, Charley.

Yeah, Charley, go inside the cave. ~Magical wonders to behold when you enter~.

Yeah... Thanks but no thanks. I'm going to stay out here.

But you have to enter the Candy Mountain Candy Cave, Charley.

~Oooooh when you're down and looking for some cheering up, then just head right up to the Candy Mountain cave~

~When you get inside, you'll find yourself a cheeeery land, such a happy and joy-filled and perky merry land. ~

~They got lollipops and gummi drops and candy things, oh so many things that will brighten up your day~

~It's impossible to wear a frown in candy town, its the mecca of lovely candy cave~

~We’ve got jelly beans and coconuts with little hats, candy mats, chocolate bats, it's a wonderland of sweets ~

~Ride the candy train to town and hear the candy band, candy bells, it's a treat as they march across the land~

~ Cherry ribbons stream across the sky and into the ground, turn around, it astounds, it's the dancing candy tree, and the candy canes' imaginations run so free ~

So now Charley please will you go into the cave?

All right, fine! I'll go into the freaking candy cave! This'd better be good.

Goodbye, Charley.

Yeah, goodbye, Charley.

Goodbye? what? Hey! What's going on here? Hello! Who is that?

*shnkkkk*

***

Oww... God, what happened?

...They took my friggin' kidney!